visiting Martin's grave

visiting Martin's grave, originally uploaded by cooliceblue.

Sunday 15th August

Started training this weekend for running two half-marathons - 26 September and 10 October. Ran 6 miles today. My plan is to increase the distance of my longest run by 1 mile each week.

Had a nap afterwards. Felt really good. I used to try not to nap at weekends because the days would go too quickly but now I try hard to relax more - if that's not a contradiction.

Took some flowers to Martin's grave. Posted a photo from my visit with the text below. What I wrote is not about feeling sad all the time. It's more that I get hit hard by grief sometimes without warning. I guess it's just part of my life and I need to be more accepting.
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A couple of weeks ago I got an email to tell me that the daughter of someone I had got to know through the Bone Cancer Research Trust had died. Another teenager killed by primary bone cancer. I don't think I know a parent now whose child has not died.

When I got the email I was in the office. I couldn't stop crying. I had to leave early.

I guess I was grieving for Martin.

Last night I watched an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Raymond is dancing with his 9 year old daughter and thinks back to her birth. It was a funny episode. Made me cry again. But I was crying because I was remembering the birth of my baby.

Am I a mess or what?